Thursday, 27 May 2010

How to get adult children to move out

An old friend of mine is doing a Psychology PHD.Her thesis I believe is going to be on living with adult children still at home.

She asked if I would be one of her studies and wanted to interview me.

Now,I’m sure she choose me because we’ve known each other 23 years.The whole of our children's lives.She knows she will get the truth when I answer and that I wouldn’t answer what I thought was the right thing to say.

Our conversation and interview was all taped and she has to transcribe everything I said.She has just texted me to say that after only 12 minutes of me ,she already has 2461  words.Seeing the interview was about an hour.She maybe regretting her decision to use me.

As a “shy” person I can in fact talk for England.On a one to one there is no stopping me.Put me in a group and I’ll be silent!!!!

Her first question was what would I miss the most if my son left home-”money” was my answer. (He gives me housekeeping money monthly)

The next one was,what would I look forward to the most if he moved out-“a  tidy room” was my answer.

How shallow am I?

But really my children are so easy going and so independent in their own way,that I would not have any qualms of them leaving home.Tasmin has coped amazingly well at University far from home and with crappy housemates to live with.She has kept herself on a tight,self imposed,food budget.Ryan's spent over 6 months in Florida and we didn’t have a moments concern about him.In fact he had the time of his life.

My children have never been clingy.I never had that trembling moment at the school gates.They would run off without a backwards glance and I would be off as fast as my feet would take me to hit the shops.I found Anna's recent blog about her daughter going on a school trip puzzling.We would never have had any tears,just excitement for all of us.We’d all be looking forward to the rest from each other.

When any of us travel we NEVER give home a moments thought.We know we’ll all just be getting on with our lives.I once went to the States.Both of my children were staying (separately )at their best friends houses.I knew they would be having the time of their life's,but I was worried about our dog,Buzz.So I rang my Mum everyday to see if he was alright.Of course he too was having the time of his life.

So whether my children are so independent is because of our good parenting skills or that we were just cold,heartless parents is a matter for them to decide.

I can’t see either of my two leaving home anytime soon.They have their own bedrooms,ensuite bathrooms and even their own sitting room.Clothes washed  and ironed.Home cooked gourmet meals (and cupcakes galore.)What more could they ask for?…….

I couldn’t wait to leave home to get away from the noise,arguments and the feeling of living on top of each other.I first left home at 18 and owned a house by the time I was 20.I never had a moments regret and it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

So I don’t for a minute think my adult children live at home because they want to be still in the bosom of their family.They would be gone in a flash if they could buy a property to make their own.But its going to be hard with the house market prices as they are and living in such a lovely home……..

Oh and by the way a big congratulations to Tasmin who just received her first psychology exam result today- 74%.She has worked really hard and was worried she would fail.She still has a lot more results to wait for,but its a great start.


Scrappi Sandi said...

I'm with you on the 'Tidy Bedroom' comment....but I've a few more years to wait first!!!

Huge congrats to Tasmin on that first result...she should be very proud of her achievement!

Fab that's another shop to fit into our itinerary! I need to pick up something 'Chicago Bulls' for Amanda's son Kyle. I'm sure there'll be a basketball store somewhere en-route!

Hilary J said...

Well done Tasmin - brilliant result.

And my children are like yours - independent and proud of it!


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